The Phrases shared by A Dad Which Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of being a father.

However the truth rapidly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a respite - taking a few days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."